We have many markers for health like blood work and strength, but the way they conduct studies for happiness is by asking people how happy they are (usually on a scale of 1-10). We know when we are happy, but it is not that easy to describe.
We can know we are healthy without being unhealthy, but maybe not as much with happiness. How can we know what happiness feels like if we don’t ever feel sad?
We need to feel the full range of emotions to feel fully alive. We need to feel our negative emotions when we encounter them in order to move on from them instead of ignoring them or pretending they aren’t there. If we ignore them, they tend to stick around and linger in the background.
There is nothing wrong with trying to bring in some extra positive emotions, that is a great thing. We should bring them in, but not at the expense of pushing negative emotions down without feeling them.
If happiness is overrated, what is it we should strive for?
Fulfilment is a key component of life.
Fulfilment is deeper than happiness, it is born out if a sense of purpose and the accomplishment of something meaningful. It is longer lasting than happiness.
Doing something fulfilling may bring happiness or it may not. Doing something fulfilling may involve self-sacrifice.
Fulfilment and purpose closely related. Studies show that people with a purpose are more likely to engage in healthy habits, have more close personal relationships, less chronic pain, less stress and less depression. One study of 7000 men and women showed that people with a low score on a sense of purpose were twice as likely to die during the four-year study time period than those with a high sense of purpose. In two other studies people with a higher sense of purpose slept better and were less at risk for Alzheimer’s Disease.
How do we get more of this fulfilment?
We said that fulfilment and sense of purpose are related. We can also think of it as having a mission. Your mission can be something outside of you. It can be something that helps other people or your community. Your mission can be something that helps your family or yourself. Your mission can be healing your emotions or your health. It can be fostering relationships. Your fulfilment, sense of purpose, mission needs to be personal to you. It is helpful to have it clear enough in your mind that if someone asked you about your mission, you could tell them in a couple of sentences.
Sometimes I don't like to experience negative emotions but I like how this highlights that all emotions are necessary. Thank you!